You Tell Me That I Have Changed, While You Are The Cause Of My Sadness

There are people who make us change. Sometimes we live in relationships which, far from enriching us, bring us sadness, deficiencies and even fears.

We’re not just talking about emotional relationships, or the men and women who use their skillful tricks to engage in social manipulation.

We also talk about our family relationships, capable of hurting us and taking with them part of our childhood, and our joys.

The human personality is not a palace with firm walls, we are all vulnerable to lived experiences, disappointments, traumas, whether in childhood or during adulthood.

And of course we can change because even if something in our interior breaks, we still have to stand with these broken structures …

We are sure this has happened to you at least once before. In the middle of a conversation, someone uses an accusing tone and says something like this: “You’re not the way you used to be”, “You’re not as fun as before”, ”You no longer have the same dreams or the same spark ”.

What happened ? This same person may even be responsible for this change.

Personal ties that do not promote personal development

There are many types of relationships that do not allow you to move forward as emotionally strong people who are confident and happy to have someone with you at every step and every experience.

It doesn’t matter if we are talking about our spouse, relatives or friends. There are clearly harmful people who can change the way we think about life.

However, it is these emotional relationships that carry the greatest emotional cost, and that can make us change the most.

Now, have you wondered how these changes are occurring in your character? Take note of the following aspects:

Changes in the emotional register

It is possible that before you were characterized as being a person of great emotional openness, receptive, joyful, optimistic …

However, in a relationship in which you find contempt, punishment or criticism, your character changes. 

You no longer externalize your emotions, but you hide them. Love is no longer laden with dreams, but with anguish and uncertainty, and there is nothing worse than not knowing what to expect, or how to tip the scales.

We have invested thousands of dreams, joys and efforts, and now we only get sorrows.

Exploitation of cognitive bias

If before you had a strong vision of yourself, where self-esteem allowed you to see the world with an open mind, today your vision has completely twisted.

The mirror reflects back to you the image of someone frustrated, of someone who is unable to get out of this vicious circle because self-esteem has turned into a feeling of inferiority.

Changes in self-perception

If you were optimistic, open, tender, and humble, and received nothing but contempt, mockery, and criticism, you are going to realize that the person who says they love you doesn’t love you, or not like you imagined.

Then, it is very likely that you have a negative self-perception because you made a mistake,  dreamed naively, and invested effort and feelings in a relationship that was not worth it.

I look down on the other person, but I also have a negative self-perception, which is very dangerous, as the emotional costs often tend to turn us into a victim.

I have changed but I will move forward

You have been disappointed and you have been hurt. You may have experienced different periods of sadness throughout your life, as there are all types, conditions, and with many masks.

Now it is important that, even knowing that “something has changed with us”, you think about these aspects:

• You may not be that person of yesterday who enjoyed life so much, you are no longer innocent and you know what the pain of disappointment is.
  The first thing to do now is to come out of all the situations that are causing you pain. Don’t allow yourself to be a victim. Go away.  

• Accept what is being experienced, it is part of you and you have to integrate it. You have suffered, you have been disappointed and you have tasted the flavor of the greatest sorrows.
  What is the use of denying this? Embrace it, and day after day, move away from the pain, let it go, ease your load …

• You are no longer those sorrows, you are the person who accepted them and you left them behind.
  You are your present, your “here and now”, the past pain must remain in the past and in the framework of a learning where you advance with security.

You have changed ? It’s possible, we all change, but don’t allow yourself to go down the path of sadness, let alone lose your dreams.

You will love yourself much more, today you are the sculptor of your own life and the craftsman of your happiness. 

Image by Lucy Campbell