You Are A “bad Mother” Because You Are A Real Mother
Many mothers are under brutal pressure: they have a lot of elements to take into account, a lot of responsibilities, and for each of them, they must produce the maximum. Among these responsibilities, there is the one that defines them as mothers: that of raising their children. On the other hand, they often have to play the role of the bad guys in their role as mothers, as it is they who set the limits and the rules and those who deny many whims to their children. In fact, the mother who does this is not mean, she is just a real mother who takes responsibility.
We know that positive reinforcement works better than punishment, that some praise can damage children’s self-esteem, and that a traumatic event can open a sore that is often difficult to heal. So being a mother is not easy and despite the amount of information we can count on; in some conflicting situations, errors are possible. In fact, it is not that they are possible, but that they follow one another, like in any other project.
The “Mom Shaming” phenomenon that criticizes the real mother
Because of everything we have mentioned before, a phenomenon called “Mom Shaming” has arisen in an attempt to remind us that a real mother, who makes mistakes, does not have to be identified as a bad mother.. This phenomenon has been reinforced through social media, where criticism is inexpensive and does not require any training in order to achieve it.
For example, we can recall the case of Chontel Duncan, a personal trainer who sparked a great controversy on her Instagram account by posting pictures of her exercising while she was pregnant. Many people have felt that having a toned stomach and strong abs could be life threatening to the baby.
Likewise, singer Soraya received a lot of criticism for going out to dinner with her husband 7 days after giving birth and leaving the baby in someone else’s care. After posting the photo of this very famous dinner, criticism on social networks was quick: “I as a mom couldn’t imagine going anywhere without my baby”, or “if you want to continue to make your life as you wish, do not have children ”.
This type of criticism is a reflex of necessity that some mothers have to be perfect or to impose their idea of perfection on others, by condemning practices which, from their point of view, are questionable. In addition, these critiques allow us to reflect on the model of mother that society is promoting. We all have strong beliefs about what it means to be a mother or what it should mean. However, does the fact of not being in adequacy with the majority or with those of a group make you a bad mother?
This whole situation contributes to embarrassing, humiliating and making a woman doubt her role as a mother. Realize that the majority want their child to be well and want to do things as well as possible. And, it is normal that many doubts appear, being associated with this intention to do well.
In this context, the critiques we are referring to are like “a pitcher of cold water” that invites the mother to fulfill her role under very rigid standards. Because there is no perfect mother, only the true mother who tries to be perfect and goes to great lengths to achieve it.
Why am I a bad mother?
The above-mentioned situations are an example of the fact that certain specific acts give a mother the label of a bad mother. On the other hand, there are definite beliefs which, not because they are false, do not cease to spread and precisely because they are widespread, are a source of confusion and censure against mothers who do not follow and do not follow them. do not press on it. Let’s see some of them below:
- Having a child by cesarean section and not vaginally makes a mother less
- Not breastfeeding your baby means you don’t have the maternal instinct
- No real mother has postpartum depression
- Why do you have a child if you have to leave it with someone to go to work?
- You are a bad mother if you let your child watch a TV or tablet while you rest or do other things.
- If you were a good mother, you would never lose patience with your children.
Faced with all these statements that we can feel more or less identified with, what is deductible is that a real mother is in fact a bad mother. Because a real mother cannot be perfect or ideal. Because a real mother makes mistakes, makes mistakes and sometimes loses patience.
Mothers are not beings from another planet, although they may appear to be. They are normal, everyday people, who lead normal, everyday lives. They have to work to be able to live, need time to rest, just like the rest of the people. The high expectations that society has for mothers create pressure that is sometimes hard to resist.
If you’ve felt identified, if once you’ve had to listen to criticism because you’re a real mother, don’t get angry, you are human. Many of the people who criticize you are also losing patience and running out of time for their children. The only difference is that you act as a mirror for them, for that, they dump their frustration on you so that they don’t have to fill that role of perfect mother. So, like you, they are only able to play one role: that of real mothers.
Our thoughts “When someone judges your path, lend them your shoes.” This sentence sums up a reality perfectly.
