When You Come Back I Might Be Gone
In all relationships, there are critical moments when it may be necessary to take a break, and take a moment of calm to consider whether the relationship can continue or should be ended.
Arguments, weather, and other issues can influence your decision making. The fact of having to go to work abroad can be a trigger of this situation, for example.
In a relationship, the couple is constantly tested. But, what if we decide to take a break?
The relationship is de facto subject to the test of abandonment, in which one partner leaves, while the other waits.
Saying goodbye is hard, forgetting is harder
When a person decides to go away, no matter what their reasons, they may sooner or later repent.
If it is sometimes necessary to take a moment to reflect, this can have both positive and negative consequences.
No one can say “goodbye” and expect the other person to wait for them indefinitely.
Maybe she says to him: “I’ll wait for you”. But whoever has left has made the decision to do so and must not be selfish.
The fear of abandonment is very common and usually makes us fear the worst. It can find its origins in a trauma of the past.
It is a fear that translates into the fear of being alone and being abandoned by everyone else. It is an emotional bond that we must let go of if we are to be happy.
But if someone who is afraid of abandonment is truly abandoned, it can end in a number of different ways.
The person who waits can turn their pain into deep disappointment.
This disappointment will cause her to see the situation she is going through with new eyes and that her heart will fill with anger and criticism.
Resentment is never a good thing but, if you’ve decided to abandon someone to their fate and you see resentment in their eyes when you come back to them, it’s totally normal!
Put yourself in the other’s shoes. The abandoned person had, without your help, to face an insurmountable pain and an impossible task: that of forgetting you.
It’s something that seems superhuman at the time, but ends up happening over time.
Coming back and wanting to find the same person you left behind is totally unrealistic. It is a reality that only exists in your mind and not in real life.
I learned to live without you
Many people abandoned by their partner, who is gone permanently or who needed time to think, end up learning to live without him.
They overcome the difficulty of their situation and the pain of not having the person they love by their side.
It all passes over time, although sometimes the sky can seem to fall on our heads when we hear bad news.
So it would be perfectly selfish to want to find the exact same person we left behind because they had to face the pain of an unwanted separation.
You will certainly not be able to reach her again, because she will have built a real fortress against you and she certainly did not wait for your return.
When our partner leaves, we never know if he will come back. We must therefore gradually learn to live as if he was never going to cross our path again.
If you have to face this situation for whatever reason, don’t wait for the person you love to return.
She may have rebuilt her life and you will only increase your suffering based on false hopes.
No one owns anyone, and we have no rights over others. The power lies in our choices which dictate our future and which modify our present.
We should not put our existence in the hands of another person or ask them to wait for us. Because if we go, who knows what can happen?
When we leave for a break, we want the person to stay quietly waiting for us.
But what if she believes in your return and it never happens? Everything we do has consequences and we need to be aware of them.
Images e Cathy Delanssay
