Those Who “need ” To Be Loved Rarely Find What They Are Looking For
suffering are as debilitating as that resulting from the need to be loved, from the lack of love , from the obsessive hope of always receiving something in return, even if it is only the leftovers … Celleux who seek to be loved above all else, who are willing to sacrifice everything, are also those who will always settle for less than they deserve, those who will seek affection in the wrong place.
This is the same old story, we know that. It may be that we have experienced it personally, that we have passed it and left behind, but what is certain is that few sentences are heard as much on a daily basis, whether at a dinner with friends, during a consultation with a psychologist or in the metro at 8 am, than the classic “… but if I just want to be loved!”
It should be noted that it is of little use to reply to this person which has already been repeated to him many times: “ You can always have someone who loves you: this person is you” , because it does not work. not, because some people don’t know how to love themselves when the emptiness is so great and the need urgent, blind and desperate. Because the m ank weighs more than the patience to sit with that person that is reflected in the mirror to talk to her and convince her that nothing makes sense if there is no self-esteem.
We could say almost unequivocally that it is his ns doubt one of our biggest accounts to settle the psychological and emotional point of view, achieve show to many people, including teen-es, that love cannot exist out of necessity. The “I love you because I need you” is rooted in fear itself, and that is neither legitimate nor healthy. Because good love is the very expression of freedom, personal development and well-being.
We all want to be loved, but needing to be loved is against our freedom
We all know the theory, but we get distracted every day. We all know that the need to be loved veto our personal growth, capturing us with bad people, those we hold on to in the hope that they will be our salvation, that they will give meaning to each of the voids that border our hearts and senses.
- Those who have an obsessive need to be loved usually do not have a role model to fall back on. It is common for the family dynamic in which the person in need of affection grew up to be based on a poor attachment model. She will have been educated in a love which, far from nourishing strength and self-esteem, will have caused serious shortcomings.
- People who need more love are happy with much less. It makes them accept all things, without evaluating them, without putting filters. They will forcefully adjust to this relationship like the square piece of a puzzle that seeks to fit into a triangular space. They in turn will do almost anything to be worthy, to receive affection, attention and consideration … However, failing to do so, their needs will become greater and greater and their need to be loved. will intensify.
- They live in perpetual contradiction. This fact is undoubtedly very striking and destructive for the person who suffers from it. As we have pointed out, we all know that the obsessive and constant need to be loved and recognized is not healthy. However, there are people who cannot avoid it, others who, with their hearts broken and their dignity down, fall back into a new relationship of the same ilk because it is the only thing they know. , because they continue to privilege this excessive need to receive from the outside what they lack instead of filling this void from the inside.
The importance of “ceasing to need”
We all have important “needs” or aspirations: a good job, a bigger house and even a little more luck in life… However, these are light, empty and anecdotal “needs”. which in rare cases generate dependency or gain importance. We are aware that our daily life would be a little better if we managed to achieve these aspirations, but they do not obsess us: we understand them more as desires than as needs.
A good idea for this is to correct the terms and live by them with more integrity. Instead of needing to be loved, we want to be loved. Let’s conjugate other verbs and other approaches. So let’s change the obsession with “meeting” love to “letting” love meet us.
Let fate, chance, or life itself bring us closer to that special someone, while we continue to take care of our inner garden. Seeking or finding a certain pleasure in this solitude, without clinging to an impossible ideal, without presenting to others an empty container waiting to be nourished with what they want to offer us …
So let’s take care of our self- esteem by nourishing our own shares of recognition and affection. Those which, when covered, prevent us from mistreating or being mistreated, preventing us from giving up our dignity to make us feel loved.
Our thoughts Seven pillars support healthy love in a couple: respect, trust, honesty, support, equality, personal identity and good communication …
