The Use Of Humor As A Vital Mechanism In The Face Of Bad Times

Humor, even if it doesn’t seem to be the case, very often represents a defense mechanism in the face of stressful or difficult situations  that we may go through. It gives color to the dark, creates smiles on complicated things, and quickly becomes contagious. Sounds like a perfect antidote, right?

Defense mechanisms are strategies we use to deal with internal or external situations that are very unpleasant to us. In a way, it’s as if, through their power, they could make this “malicious” monster that is gradually settling in smaller. Whether it is the sadness due to the loss of a loved one, the rage of a romantic break-up or the diagnosis of an illness …

Humor fights stress by trying to reduce it and make it more harmless…  Less reckless and strange… Sometimes these defense mechanisms succeed in making us forget our suffering or rethink it in order to live our life better. The space of pure air that humor gives us is so large that it makes it seem like we are fine, on the surface, and that nothing is disturbing us.

Humor helps us escape uncomfortable realities

Surely you have known someone who, when they say something serious and important, does it with a big smile. A smile that leads to that nervous little laugh that ends in a giggle. But something is wrong… as we listen to this person, we cannot stop telling ourselves that something is not “right”.

How can she tell us something while laughing when it seems important and serious to her? If you think about it for a moment, a lot of people, when they talk about something that isn’t particularly funny, they do it with a laugh. With a laugh that doesn’t seem authentic to us… And that looks more like a cry from the soul that doesn’t know how to get out than an innocent laugh. That to a real laugh, of those who are born in a happy soul. This laughter that we hear seems to be like interference …

We usually notice a dissonance between what we are told and the way we are told something,  which makes us wonder about the “seriousness” of the situation. Some people don’t dig deeper and just laugh at it. “Well! If he laughs, it doesn’t affect him too much. So much the better !”. But the point is, something doesn’t fit: when what we say doesn’t fit the way we say it, there is a problem.

Discomfort seeks to be heard and accepted, not denied

This is where humor acts as a defense mechanism in the face of a reality that is difficult for us to come to terms with. Humor warms us, and it is very often like a balm that heals and helps us to adapt to very many social situations. The problem, as with everything, happens when it is our only way of dealing with a situation. By “defending” ourselves in front of it, by turning against it. By not assuming it, by not accepting it as it is.

There are realities that make you dizzy. Assuming them supposes going through a rather profound internal change. And the only way to escape them is to deny them, to distance them from our consciousness or to minimize them… By making them smaller, to the point of nonexistence. Not facing something, no matter how uncomfortable, means taking our distance from ourselves.

Comfort and discomfort are a part of life, and we cannot deny it. The “cure” is not to deny what we don’t want to see. The remedy comes from acceptance… and, in this sense, to accept, we must know how to look inside ourselves and show a kind of respect for what we face. When you don’t respect one of your experiences and you caricature it until you break it down entirely, what happens? It’s simple: the other doesn’t take it seriously.

If we don’t take ourselves seriously, we teach each other not to take ourselves seriously

We may or may not “educate” the other to respect us. As long as you do not respect your emotions and choose humor as the first mechanism to distance yourself from YOUR reality, it will be very difficult for the other to respect your innermost experiences. You are showing him that he can laugh at you and not take you seriously. It doesn’t matter what you tell him because “it doesn’t affect you”. When it actually affects you, it becomes so painful or so uncomfortable that your first reaction is to walk away from it.

“Everything has its own measure, just as any situation has its own way. Laughter has its place, as do tears; the smile has its moment, as well as the severity. ”

-Al-Yâhiz-

This is why it is important  to identify these signs of incongruity between what someone feels and what they manifest,  between what they say and their way of saying it… This incongruity will give us ways to help that person feel more comfortable with their discomfort.

Sometimes the easiest way is to actually listen to what someone wants to tell us, without getting lost in this game of masks and caricatures. This person probably wants to be listened to without being judged and only needs to hear a “you have the right to feel bad (this is normal / consistent given the circumstances you are going through) and you can tell me about it if you want to. need it ”.