Sometimes Being Strong Is Not A Personal Choice, But The Only Option

Sometimes life puts stones in our pockets so that we come down to the ground of harsh reality. It is then that we have no other choice but to be strong, to combine armor and sword, to act intelligently and to take advantage of the energy of a stainless heart. However, sooner or later, integrity is extinguished, shatters, is exhausted …

When we read a classic, we almost immediately know when fatality begins to take its toll. To read Virgil, Shakespeare or Dickens supposes to wait for this moment in which emerge this fissure which everything alters, this fold which contains everything and which changes everything. As seasoned readers that we are, we also know how to anticipate when the betrayal, the trap, the error or the tragedy will be triggered.

“Soft is stronger than hard; water is stronger than rock; love is stronger than violence. ”

-Herman Hesse-

But, on the stage of our lives, less literary and with more edges, we seldom anticipate that the natural course of events is plotting a subtle revenge against us. Few people manage to anticipate, when they walk in a straight line to concentrate on their dreams, their obligations and their projects, that fate has other plans for them: to open a small trap under their feet to whisper to them that “Now , you have to wait, now your dreams are postponed. ”

No one has explained to us that this is called adversity. In fact, she presented herself on her own, in the first person, as a mistress. Many have been educated with the following promise: Anyone who tries hard gets a reward. If you love, care, and listen, you won’t be abandoned. If you have confidence, beautiful things will happen. But, sometimes life has a different compass, from those which do not point north, from those which force us to take the longest, hardest and most complex path … where there is no other option than to be strong (or at least, to appear so that fate is afraid and bows the spine).

Yes, the strong person is more likely to suffer from depression

Today there are many self-help books and articles on personal growth obsessed with teaching the 7, 8 or 12 characteristics of “strong” people. The misleading idea that frailty or vulnerability inevitably leads to mental illness is circulating. Thus, if we follow this line of arguments, being “mentally strong” does not allow us to overcome, avoid or defend ourselves effectively against the anxiety disorders or this dysthymia which affects us and which don’t let us go.

Let’s not forget that everything has nuances: people who are used to being strong are those at the highest risk of developing depression. Consider, for example, those who take care of their dependent relatives.

Let us also think of the father or mother of a family whose spouse is unemployed and who has multiple responsibilities on his shoulders, beyond economic responsibilities. Think, why not, of the many professionals who spend their lives helping others: disadvantaged groups, problem children, abused women …

Often times, we struggle to stay strong for others, to offer the best version of ourselves and thus bring security, solvency, efficiency, closeness, hope and positivity. . But we don’t realize that what we do is often “act”, follow a role in which we come to believe. Without knowing that we are betraying ourselves.

We betray our most authentic feelings, those which disturb our interior: fears, uncertainties, anxiety, the feeling of loneliness… Until sooner or later, “we break up” and instead of asking for help. help, we are silent. Or worse yet, we continue to obsessively prioritize the needs and wants of others …

If being strong is your only option, allow yourself to accept your own vulnerability.

In the book of our life, there are also epics, challenges that we do not meet, tragedies that are imposed on us and tests of courage that we are forced to pass. But, in this novel of our daily lives where we are seen as heroes because we do everything and because we dare not utter any complaints or tears, there is a terrible spelling mistake that we constantly commit: neglecting ourselves- same.

-Victor Hugo-

If being strong is your only option, accept your vulnerability. Vulnerability does not mean frailties, but the realization that sometimes we need to stop and just take a deep breath. To be strong is not to ignore anger or contradiction, it is not to forgive 10 or 100 times what hurts us, to the point of losing our dignity. Being strong is not about acting harshly, imposing your own perspectives to create authoritarian environments in order to maintain control over what surrounds you.

In reality, what makes us fragile is hiding our own ‘I’ from the world. If we are only concerned with maintaining our shiny shell to appear efficient, strong and hyper-resistant in everything, we will gradually accentuate this insurmountable distance between what “I am” and what “I show”, between what “I”. ‘supply’ and what ‘I really need’ at any given time.

So, to use this resilient key that opens the door to our self-esteem, we have to reveal ourselves as genuine beings at all times. Because you can be strong, but at the same time able to ask for help when you need it. Because anyone who relieves himself of his emotional weight to gather his strength is no less strong than anyone else.

In conclusion, being strong in a world where we do not yet understand the value of vulnerability undoubtedly makes it more difficult for our ability to foster the psychological well-being that genuine heroes need. Those who take care of others, those who, at some point, have found themselves obliged to face adversity, without anyone warning them beforehand that life, sometimes, is much harder than what the books tell us.

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