I Want To Be A Mother, But I’m Scared

Times have changed so much that they have even transformed the conception of motherhood, giving way to a fair amount of myths and making the act an intimidating process for some women. Even wishing to have a child, they abstain because the complexity of the challenge overwhelms them. However, today, it is you and you alone who decide to be a mother or not. This is a big step forward, because until recently the subject was still subject to some social pressure.

The problem is that now, for some women,  having a child has ceased to be a natural occurrence and has become something too complex that is best avoided. Yet nothing is less true. The only really important thing in all of this is that every woman is in harmony with her desires.

Fear of motherhood

It is perfectly normal to experience a certain fear of motherhood. It is a situation that involves structural changes, both in the body and in the life project. It is also an experience which supposes the acceptance of a quota of physical and psychological pain.

However, sometimes this fear also comes from other sources. You may have heard stories that impressed you, especially about older women. Until recently, births took place under very difficult conditions. Mothers were not sufficiently prepared or had not received sufficient support and attention from medical staff.

Some women also decide not to be mothers anymore because they don’t believe they are ready. However, no one really is. One of the realities of life is that we are never sufficiently prepared for what is happening to us. Neither to grow up, nor to separate ourselves from the people we love, nor to grow old, etc.

Likewise, they may give up the idea of ​​being mothers because they feel that they will pass on their anxieties, depression, etc. to their child. This vision is very rigid and absolutist. It is impossible to completely take away suffering, deprivation and mistakes. Yet there are also some wonderful roads to travel.

Don’t give up motherhood out of fear

Whatever the source of the fear, the most important thing is not to go against your deepest desires. If you really want to have a child, you should not refuse to be a mother out of fear, but do some soul-searching in order to analyze the situation and look for possible resistance: material, social or personal.

Where does your fear come from? Is it reasonable?  Do you really want to be a mother, or is the fear arisen precisely from the fact that you don’t want it and only consider the possibility because you feel constrained by something or someone? Introspection is just one of the things you can do to understand. You can also find out about the medical services you have access to if you decide to have a child.

It is important that you know how far your health coverage goes, what type of centers you will need to go to in the event of pregnancy and which professionals will be available to you. Also check if your health service offers psycho-prophylaxis classes and psychosocial support during pregnancy.

Clarify the desire to be a mother

You should add to all of the above a thorough assessment of your situation. Can you count on the support of your partner? From your family? These are factors to consider before making a decision. You cannot decide to become a mother or to give up being so to please others.

On the other hand, assess your financial situation. You don’t have to be a millionaire to raise a child in good conditions, but you still need to be able to offer him some stability, as well as time.

Once you’ve done these basic actions, you’ll probably feel more confident about what you really want to do. Whether a child is wanted or not usually has consequences.  This desire for motherhood is what on many occasions marks the deepest part of her being. If you want to be a mother, strive to become one in the best possible way. Everything else will then come naturally.

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