Enjoy The Good Things In Each Person, Because The Complete Kit Is Hard To Get
We face a multitude of contradictions. It is difficult for these to be uniquely and exclusively linked to our identity alone. Even if we did it by isolating ourselves or trying to do it in a remote place on the planet to forget everything and everyone, we ourselves are already a part of what we have been through with them.
In just one day, we can experience an authentic roller coaster of emotions in our relationship with others. All of this can seem endlessly ridiculous, absurd, inconsistent, or incredibly stimulating to us, and it has cognitive and emotional implications.
Taking into account what we have just said, we will underline a famous sentence that Sigmund Freud once uttered: “ Neurosis is the inability to endure ambiguity.” From this observation we can understand that reality becomes difficult with too many contradictory elements, but our psychological health depends on acceptance and tolerance of these. We will analyze how to deal with it.
The constant ambiguity in our relationship with others
One ordinary day, you wake up and start talking with an old school friend. You are happy to be able to speak to him again, everything seems to flow perfectly. At least, that is what seems to be the case, because all of a sudden you hear an unexpected opinion about the subject of refugees.
You want to get away from this moment, from that unfortunate comment that’s different from your way of thinking, you want to keep seeing it the same way. But that comment confused you and you can’t help but think back to what just happened.
On the other hand, you met a boy. He couldn’t be closer to you ideologically. You share the same values, but in short distances the relationship is far from ideal. Silences intersect, looks flee in a cold discomfort, and the time becomes too long.
The relationship, intellectually and virtually, seemed more interesting. The values presented “a priori” do not replace the lack of good behavior. The firmness and conviction which from afar seemed exciting to you have given way to the brutality of disenchantment. You have fallen victim to the disillusionment of expectations.
Expectations: the prelude to our disappointments
We are immersed in a constant contradiction between what we think about others, what we hope will happen, and what ultimately happens with people. We are constantly fabricating expectations that collapse one after another without giving ourselves the opportunity not to be discouraged.
It seems that in the face of so much ambiguity, neurosis is an irremediable outcome. What to do apart from thinking, when nothing coincides? The next question is: why do things have to coincide? How far should we change our positions in relation to others to achieve happiness? Is moral relativity the beginning of a lack of principles or, on the contrary, the first step in making everything more enjoyable?
Questions and questions to get the mental complexity to translate into simpler behavior. Substitute our cognitive frustration with real civic engagement, social activism or citizen cooperation. You can’t change the world, but sometimes helping someone in trouble can keep you feeling better. It is to acquire the complete kit.
The origin of our neurosis in relation to change and personal differences
If we are not ready to accept diversity, it comes from an education based on fear, on censorship, on imposing constant rules to avoid social chaos. We are increasing resources for education to avoid disasters, not to create havens where it is normal to live in peace and where there is a possibility of taking refuge if a disaster does happen.
This is why we avoid and censure what does not suit us in others. This way we seem to protect and define ourselves, but we actually only manage to pull away and stay depressed and frustrated. We end up getting bitter and ruining the lives of others. Sometimes our main principles translate into daily behavior that leaves a lot to be desired.
We want the complete kit, but accepting others gives us peace of mind
We want the perfect, complete kit from one person, but in reality we find that when we have it, it doesn’t solve our “shortcomings”. Making room for something we don’t like is exciting, rewarding, and it’s the essence of what makes the world: diversity in the fullest sense of the word.
Accepting diversity does not mean ceasing to be who we are and moving towards where we want to go. To get out of neurosis, we need to ask ourselves a series of questions:
- Believing in principles cannot mean mistreating others. That we have divergent opinions on many issues cannot transform us into beings capable of preserving basic educational rules. If we perceive offense or contempt, this does not mean that we should act in the same way. Keeping a distance isn’t just about being cordial, in these cases it’s about being wise.
- Whenever you allow yourself to be overcome by unhappiness because of comments that are not in your favor, you are leaving less room for all that you are passionate about and the people who, at this point in your life, are bringing you in. revenge of well-being.
- Explore new paths of understanding with those with whom you have significant differences. No one discovers new paths by taking those which have already been traced or which already have the same “heavy decorations” as at other times.
As a final thought, we should ask ourselves whether we should not draw a scale in which we would position what we do not tolerate at all and what causes us only a few doubts. If someone who mistreats an animal doesn’t fit into the same box as someone who spoke badly to you once, then you better agree that there is a difference between the unbearable and the disturbing. In the face of the first type of boredom, intransigence can help us, but not in the face of the second.
