Communication Habits That Can Destroy A Relationship

Over time, by sharing the same roof and daily life, people tend to use specific communication patterns that create stress and tension , and which, in the long run, can destroy a couple’s relationship, even solid, friendship, or any other type of relationship that involves mutual respect.

The main challenge is to learn to identify these communication habits, to become aware of the damage they cause, and how they poison a relationship in order to be able to remedy it.

1. Roll your eyes when the other is talking

This is a gesture that can be interpreted as a sign of disinterest,  although in reality we can roll our eyes for many other reasons.

The person who is speaking may feel ignored and devalued. In the context of a reprimand, making this gesture will only make the discussion more aggressive, and will show that person’s desire to flee the conversation as quickly as possible.

Let us never forget that communication is like a circle that follows the course of action and reactions. It is the succession of these actions and reactions that makes it possible to reinforce appropriate and inappropriate communication habits.

This is why in therapy, one of the first goals is to break this circle when the therapist detects a negative escalation.

2. Go away when the other is talking

As for the previous point, the person speaking can interpret this gesture as proof of the lack of interest on the part of his interlocutor.

Effective communication ends when both parties involved decide to end it, not when only one person makes the decision to end it.

Often, it is social skills that play a primary role in these types of situations. Usually, the person who leaves in the middle of the conversation turns on their heels because they need to take a break to reflect on what has been said.

However, she chose the wrong way to ask for this break. If she had told the other person, the latter would surely have understood her need, and would not have interpreted the situation negatively.

3. Routine kissing

Although it may seem trivial, automatic kissing can weaken a relationship when it is the only kisses that are exchanged.

In the case of a couple, kisses are a manifestation of love for each other, especially when accompanied by other types of gestures that transform the act of kissing into an act of complicity and privacy.

The fact of depriving kisses of all their meaning is to lose one of the best ways to consolidate a couple.

4. Devalue what the other feels

Feelings are unique to everyone, which is why no one has the right to judge how we feel, much less to belittle or laugh at our feelings.

although we find each other’s feelings absurd and irrational, we have to accept them and try to understand them, it is a matter of reason. 

It doesn’t matter what one of the people in the conversation thinks, for example, that the other shouldn’t be afraid to do something.

The point is that this person is feeling what they are feeling, and if their feelings are ignored or devalued, the conversation will quickly become very frustrating, as both people will feel like they are speaking a different language.

5. Refuse to admit your mistake and apologize

Not admitting your mistakes and refusing to ask for forgiveness in defense of what you do or what you say only makes things worse. 

The person can only ask for “forgiveness” if he recognizes his mistake, and must ask it from the bottom of his heart. Also, let’s not forget that acknowledging failure is a way for a person to express to the other person that they are willing to try to understand their feelings.

6. Be sarcastic

Sarcasm is bitter mockery which, while it can sometimes turn out to be funny, can lead to confusion or be offensive to the other.

Sarcasm can be interpreted as disrespecting the other person because it implies a certain contempt and a lack of esteem. It hurts because it betrays the trust of the other person.

7. Arguing over who is wrong

Conversations that don’t make sense and seek to blame the other person get nowhere.

Sometimes it’s like an overwhelming urge to argue over us, and we use the first person in our path as a punching bag. 

Since we are angry, we usually do not appreciate the strength or scope of our words. This often happens when we feel bad without really knowing why, and we start an argument with someone just to justify our feelings.

Starting an argument is a very dangerous act because the other person has little clue to identify our true feelings, which is why they are unlikely to empathize.

But if she can guess what’s behind the argument, a pat on the back and heartwarming words like “I know you’ve had a bad day” can turn the tide. The weight of the day is then no longer so heavy, because it is shared.

So, making a little effort to improve our harmful communication habits not only improves couple relationships, but also friendships, relationships with our children, or with our family.

Making an effort means that things are often difficult, and that inertia does nothing to solve the problem.