If You Have To Force It, It’s Not Your Ring Size, Shoe Size, Relationship Size …
If you have to force it, it’s not your size. This statement is valid for things in life, be it clothes, relationships etc.
Most readers will understand the metaphor: you see an item of clothing you adore, walk into the store to ask for your size, and are told it no longer exists. So we ask for a bigger or smaller size, do you ever know …
Often times, we stick to something that isn’t right for us and we don’t realize that it hurts us more than anything else.
Inertia, the harmful messages that society sends us, the expectations, the opportunities… All of this, translated into a dysfunctional relationship, can only have one result: pain.
What causes this is the lack of love, but not just any kind of love: self-esteem in particular.
It is a real triumph to dare to put aside our hopes and to open our eyes to realize that good feelings never come with submission.
Love is not begging: if we do not love you, do not beg
Love does not beg or beg itself. If people don’t like us, being stubborn is guaranteed emotional suicide. We cannot wait for a miracle or ask for love to arise all of a sudden.
Even less can we maintain these expectations at the cost of our emotional health and our freedom.
Our education is the cause of all of this. For example, we are tired of seeing, over and over again, on television, stories of addiction and where relationships always have the capacity to overcome any obstacle.
But a choking and hurting relationship keeps us from growing and oppresses our ability to breathe freely. It’s like we are drowning and need to get out of the water.
However, it is true that getting out of a tortuous relationship is not easy and is very scary …
Healing the wounds that generated a forced relationship
There is a very beautiful story, related to pearls, that helps us illustrate how we can properly heal the wounds that come from a relationship of love or forced friendship. Let’s see this together …
The first thing to know is that an oyster that has not been injured in some way does not produce a pearl because the pearl is a healed wound.
Pearls are the products of pain, the result of the entry of a foreign and unwanted substance inside the oyster, such as a parasite or a grain of sand.
In the inner part of the oyster, there is a shiny substance called mother of pearl.
When a grain of sand enters it, the mother-of-pearl cells begin to work on it and cover it with several layers, to protect the defenseless body of the oyster. The result is a pretty pearl!
The world is falling apart, we hit rock bottom, we will never be able to stabilize our life without this person or this relationship group… All of these feelings are normal in situations of emotional adversity.
But this same “fragility” that frightens us so much can be used to strengthen us. To illustrate this, we are going to use the technique called Kintsugi which the Japanese take to mend broken pieces.
It consists in recomposing pieces of broken ceramic pieces with gold, so that they become even more beautiful and strong pieces.
If we use Eastern wisdom to understand this, we will understand that what made us suffer is also of value to us.
And more so, the beauty of our fracture will depend on how we experience it inside and how we work on our pain.
Once that is understood, it is good to get to work and mend the tears in our clothes with gold, to accept the need to close circles, to say goodbye and not to complicate your life. trying over and over again to wear a dress you don’t fit anymore.
Trying to remake a book with a story that has no future is to betray ourselves. This is why we must be aware that a wound cannot be healed if we rub it constantly.
