Critics Make You Stronger
“Every stone that someone throws at me
Makes my strength”
(Elvira Sastre)
Every day we have to face criticism. It is something very usual. However, it’s hard to get used to, and these criticisms are often hard to take, especially those coming from people important to us.
Critics are inevitable
Acceptance is the first step. If we don’t realize that reviews are normal, frustration will take over. Unless you live alone on an island, cut off from the rest of humanity, there will always be someone to say something negative about us.
We also have to accept that we have all had this behavior at some point (some more than others). Maybe the reviews were more innocent or more destructive. We may criticize because others do too, but in criticizing then we have to accept that sometimes we are the object of criticism.
Cultivate patience
Patience requires harnessing all the resources at our disposal to maintain tranquility.
It is about not being impulsive and keeping calm, letting the immediate emotions cool down so that you can analyze the situation and act more rationally.
These tools are, among others: breathe deeply, force yourself not to speak for a few moments or focus on something else, for example a picture or a pleasant memory.
This exercise will make problems easier and prevent us from making the situation worse by saying unwanted words or acting without thinking. It is without a doubt the smartest way to go.
Learn to forgive
You will always meet people who will hurt you. They will sometimes be toxic, but they will often hurt you unintentionally. Whatever the reason, disappointment and pain are inevitable.
If we are not able to forgive, these negative emotions will build up until it becomes impossible to find happiness. We cannot change the world to become perfect, but we can change the way we act.
To forgive means to accept what has happened and keep moving forward. It involves leaving things in the past and not letting them affect our present. Although it is difficult to grant forgiveness, it is the most beneficial way forward.
Recognize the types of criticism
Not all reviews are the same. Someone may be criticizing us for a reason, because we did something inappropriate and that person is just claiming to be sincere and to help us. This criticism would be fair and constructive, because it would make it possible to improve.
This person’s intention is to hurt, and they may be based on lies, or they may alter and exaggerate some of our character traits. These criticisms are most often the result of jealousy and resentment.
What to do when faced with justified criticism?
If someone gives you constructive criticism, even if you don’t like it, take it as something positive. If you get on the defensive by denying the situation or attacking the other with other critics, you will cause conflict.
We must accept criticism with sincerity, admitting our faults and proposing a solution : “If what you are telling me is certain, then I understand it perfectly. I didn’t see it that way until you told me about it. From now on I will do my best to change this attitude ”.
What to do in the face of destructive criticism?
This kind of criticism is the most difficult to face. We must understand that they constitute a provocation and that at the same time, if we respond to them, we start a battle which only brings annoyance and sometimes even a bad image of third parties.
In this kind of situation, it is recommended to be patient and show indifference. You must not play into the other person’s game, as the saying goes: “ there is no greater contempt than indifference ”. The other tries to hurt us, and if we form a shell so that it doesn’t hit us, we win the game.
Criticism therefore becomes the only way to unleash their jealousy and regain esteem, by lowering ours. Always remember that if someone is criticizing you in this way, it is because you are doing something right.
When you are the one criticizing …
When it is you who criticize others, the first thing to do is to think about your behavior.
Why are you doing this ? Is it because your friends are used to criticizing and you are trying to fit into their conversations? Or is it because you are jealous? Or maybe you are ashamed of your flaws and want to show that others have them too?
Thinking will allow you to change your behavior. It’s never too late to improve or to change parts of ourselves that we don’t like.
Working on empathy and learning to put yourself in other people’s shoes is an exercise that is sure to make you feel better.
Living away from the critics
Critics are undeniably rooted in our society and it would be utopian to imagine that they could disappear. However, by incorporating small changes in your lives, you will be able to free yourself from its mostly negative effects.
Learn to accept constructive criticism and use it as a springboard to improve yourself. Ignore unfair reviews and stay away from the toxic people who generate them. Avoid criticizing others as much as possible and do not participate in these kinds of conversations.
You will definitely improve your mental peace and have a much more peaceful and happy life.
Photos courtesy of Chichi Huang
