What Is Behind A Discouraged Child
The discouraged child who does not do his homework, who responds apathy or selflessly to our requests, is not always understood. It’s easy to blame him for his behavior, but keep in mind that behind discouragement there can be an overlooked reality. Negative emotions and underlying issues that we need to look out for.
Let’s face it. Somehow, many discouraged children and teens end up becoming discouraged adults as well.
If we get used to this constant frustration early on, and our environment is also limited to responding to us with criticism and threats, we end up making this sense of failure chronic. Self-esteem deteriorates quickly and almost irreparably.
Discouragement is just a mask, an attitude towards the world that hides something else. It is the relief of an internal anatomy that must be glimpsed as quickly as possible.
There is indeed nothing more dangerous and devastating than discouragement. That lack of motivation capable of relegating the child to the recess of disinterest, constant anger and this behavior which is almost always the object of sanction and not of understanding.
The discouraged child: what explains this attitude?
If there is something we all love, it is seeing a child who is curious, who socializes with those around him, who asks questions, who plays, who keeps moving and experimenting. Childhood is movement and energy. This stage is marked by the desire to understand and position oneself in a reality where one feels acceptance and affection at all times.
It is probably for this reason that we are so surprised to see a discouraged child. A child who, lying on his desk or on the bed in his room, opts not only for stillness, but for this provocative refusal to accomplish a task.
Faced with these recurring situations, we must understand a first aspect. As explained in an article published in the Journal of Educational Psychology , by Adele Gottfried, motivation comes from emotion.
If a child, teenager, or adult is showing discouragement, chances are there is quite a complex underlying emotional reality behind this situation. Therefore, if we limit ourselves to punishing this child for his attitude, we will only feed his discomfort further.
What could be behind the discouragement of children?
There can be endless realities behind childhood discouragement. We must realize that children do not always have the resources to explain exactly what is happening to them. It is therefore necessary to be close to them and facilitate an adequate opening. However, let’s see what can be behind a discouraged child.
- Learning problems and frustration. We cannot forget that classrooms sometimes include large numbers of children with undetected special educational needs. Thus, problems such as inattention, being gifted or dyslexia often lead to discouragement in children.
- We can not exclude the e bullying . Some families are unaware of the traumatic daily life of many children in school. So let’s not rule out this possibility.
- Constant frustration is another common occurrence. Some children and adolescents go from “ I can’t do it” to “I don’t want to do it” in no time. Teaching them early on to tolerate and deal with frustration, anxiety and feelings of failure will allow them to mature in this regard.
- Many children feel stressed. And not just that. They demand the attention of parents. Offering them time to play, to share moments with their family where they feel taken care of, listened to and validated will inject them with an adequate dose of positive emotions ideal for regaining motivation.
How to deal with the discouragement of children and young people?
The discouraged child therefore does not need reproaches or sanctions for his behavior. He needs our attention. Let’s try, for a moment, to put ourselves in his shoes and remember what it feels like when discouragement and apathy embrace us. It is not a pleasant feeling.
While it is true that as adults experience reminds us of what we can do in these situations, children do not have the resources or our experience to know how to react. Therefore, it is necessary that we take into account the following strategies:
- Be empathetic. Proximity without judgment is the best mechanism for children to tell us about their emotions, what they are feeling and what is happening to them.
- Establish a positive dialogue. Using emotionally positive communication will also facilitate a connection with the child. We must also try to encourage them. They must be reminded of their potential and their possibilities.
- The idea is to create an emotional haven for the child to feel comfortable communicating. He will thus be able to glimpse new perspectives on his problems.
- Re-initiate. Sometimes it is necessary to start from scratch to regain lost motivation. Something as simple as changing the routine and offering new stimuli, challenges and proposals, can cause the child to put aside frustration or negativity when finding new interests.
- Finding something they like (sport, music, any hobby…) can act as a trigger. It can also serve as a new strategy for connecting with children through an activity.
Let’s not ignore that dull look, inappropriate behavior, misplaced word, or “I can’t” . Motivation gives life to life. So let’s not let children lose an iota of the force that this engine generates in their lives.
Our thoughts Lack of patience with children can manifest itself at any time, especially during this difficult time of the pandemic.
