No You Are Not A Bad Mother

It seems that we are looking for any pretext to put ourselves in “fight mode”. Currently,  a guerrilla war is waged in front of the maternity hospital  and, as it is usual to see it, the woman is the only victim. Worst of all, it is the women and mothers themselves who hurt each other, judging each other very harshly for the way others behave with their children. For many, this is the only criterion to take into account, the only correct way to proceed, the others being to be banned.

It is true that there are, that there have been and that there will be, unfortunately, mothers who abandon their children or who are neglectful. But even in these cases, we should not place this woman in the category of bad mother: rather we should see her as a woman who has problems, who makes mistakes, who made a bad decision in her life and who does not. didn’t know what else to do at this precise moment. It should be borne in mind that these women are the first not to be happy and that they will have to pay the price of their decision throughout their lives.

Even so, this is a very radical extreme case and we should never compare it with the case of mothers who genuinely love their children and do all they can every day to give them the best of them. themselves.

Even if our way of understanding motherhood, the way we want to educate our children or the type of food that we decide to give them during the first months is in our opinion the best way forward, this does not mean that it is the best, the only one and the one that should be valid. We have to be tolerant of other mothers who choose a different way of raising their children:  as long as the baby and the mother are free from it and are happy, where is the problem?

Why you are not a bad mother

You are not a bad mother if your decisions are governed by the well-being of your child (and yours). Although it is true that some specialists recommend following certain rules for raising a baby, the truth is that the mother is the one who really spends all of her time with her child, who really knows him and who has all the information to help him. know what is the best way to raise it.

We are criticized if we breastfeed for too long and we are also criticized if we decide to bottle feed. We are judged if we sleep with our baby until a certain age and also if we let him sleep in his room when he is very small. It’s not a good idea to get the child used to his mother’s arms, but we shouldn’t let him cry in his cradle either…  Are we doing everything so wrong?

Absolutely not. We are acting amazingly, in the best way we can, as long as we do it all with love  – this is what the baby really gets. All children are not the same: some do not like to be alone in their room while others have no problem and can fall asleep peacefully. Some babies don’t get big enough on the breast and need extra support, while others grow surprisingly well and very healthy on breast milk.

You are not a bad mother. Whatever you do, you are the best mother your child can have, the one who really knows what is good for them and what will be beneficial for both of them.

Why drastically move the child to his room at six months, if you know you both are not going to be okay? Why force you to breastfeed your baby if it makes you nervous and if you pass that nervousness on to your little one? Stay away from motherhood, negative emotions! This is a stage which must be taken advantage of and during which you must be calm, peaceful and happy  ; thanks to science and common sense, there are alternatives to facilitate this process.

Don’t be radical, neither with yourself nor with others

As Aristotle said, the golden mean is found in virtue. And he was quite right! As mothers,  the best thing to do is to be moderate in all of our decisions and even more moderate when judging other mothers. It’s not about reading all the books about how to raise a child from A to Z and putting them into practice because you assume that is the role model and period.

It’s also about taking what your gut is telling you, feeling happy with every decision you make, and letting go of the habit of judging yourself harshly. The main thing is that you and your baby are happy and healthy, both physically and mentally. There’s no better way to let yourself know you’re doing the right thing.

Never forget that we are human and  that we have the right to make mistakes and put things right. Making mistakes once in a while doesn’t make us bad mothers. We can start over, fix what we did wrong, and everything will be fine.

Mothers must support each other and, above all, respect each other. If you don’t like being judged, you don’t have to judge other people either, even if you don’t agree with their choices. In fact, to give indications and advice, there are already professionals that mothers can consult: it is therefore not advisable to venture to correct another mother who is not doing the right thing. same way as you.

Don’t be radical,  moderation is always the best way. Remember the most important thing: your child will be happy to grow up with consistent parents who love him. Realize that you are a good mother and don’t blame yourself if you sometimes make mistakes. Raising and educating a child are processes which, however special and transcendent they are, are part of life and affect our human nature. We will therefore have to accept the error as a logical and consistent element. That is all.