When Another Person Appears
At the most unexpected moment, at work, at a party or at a dinner with friends, a person may appear out of nowhere. Quickly, we can find ourselves in a difficult situation if we are in a relationship and we feel attraction to someone we are starting to know.
We don’t control the people we fall in love with, who attract us. It is possible to live for ten years in a relationship, then suddenly notice a different person, someone who makes us vibrate and who makes us feel passion again.
We get nervous, our hands are sweaty, we swing, we are clumsy, and our hearts are beating faster than usual.
What are the studies telling us?
A study by researchers from four North American universities (Columbia, Indiana, Kentucky and Lexington universities) looked at a sample of 160 women, aged 19 to 56, married or in a relationship. couple for more than three years. 70% of them replied that they had already been attracted to someone other than their partner.
The majority of women (around 70%) have felt a physical attraction at work, which is not surprising since we are most often attracted to people with whom we spend a lot of time.
A study published by Psychological Science called “Leveling the Playground” found that attraction generally increases over time.
The fact of feeling attracted to another person when we are in a relationship, does not necessarily mean the end of our marriage or our relationship, because it often helps us to see clearly the problems which reign in our couple, and to appreciate more our partner.
The causes of attraction to another person
The question is: why can another person attract us when we are in a relationship? In the rest of our article, we will give you several answers.
The attraction of novelty
When we have been in a relationship for a while, and therefore we have been living with a person for several years, the novelty completely disappears, and we enter the daily routine. With the passage of time, we no longer feel the attraction that we felt in the beginning, and we no longer get caught out.
In addition, once the stage of idealizing our partner has passed, we realize that he has flaws, in addition to his qualities, and that his tastes are perhaps a little different from ours. Our desires can be opposed, and this generates tension, even a certain boredom, caused by the monotony of the relationship.
Conversely, we see the person we just met as refreshing, new, disturbing, attractive, interesting and a source of motivation.
The confusion between friendship and love
The monotony of a relationship can lead us to look for things outside of this relationship, but it is necessary to be careful and not believe that we are facing a new situation of love, when in reality we are developing a new friendship.
When we feel attracted to someone new, we go through a phase in which we “fall in love”, in a way. We fantasize about its qualities, and we don’t see its flaws. We don’t know what that person really is, what we might be going through with them. It is then easy to confuse friendship and love.
Negative aspects of the couple
When we meet someone new that we like, we go through a crisis in our relationship, which brings out all the possible faults of our partner. All his quirks, which once seemed enchanting to us, then become unbearable. We think he’s a boring, negative person.
What to do when another person appears?
When a new person appears, and we see all of our partner’s flaws, we need a change. We know it and we ask ourselves: what should I do?
1.- Analyze how you feel for the new person
You may feel passion, friendship, love, or the need for something new.
2.- Carefully examine how you feel about your partner
Something might not work, and now is a good time to talk about it. Communication is essential in the relationship, and we tend to forget too much.
Even if, when meeting a new person, we only see the negative in our partner, we must make the effort to see the positive, to remember the reasons that led us to fall in love with him, which makes us drew home.
3.- Take your time to think
You may need a moment of solitude to reflect, to get to know yourself better, and to make peace with yourself. Loneliness is a good counselor.
4.- Talk to your partner
Tell her everything that is on your mind, what you need to change. Share your emotions with him.
And above all: don’t forget to be happy!
