I Am Lonely: Can I Find Love?

Is it possible to find love by being a lonely person? We often think of lonely people as misfit figures, singular  outlanders  of the social world, hardened timid people and weird people who we never get to understand.

There is nothing more false. A loner doesn’t give up on connection and isn’t afraid to feel love when the opportunity presents itself. However, this can be complicated or even contradictory.

The loneliness that a person chooses always determines a very characteristic and regulated lifestyle: there are no agreements or norms with anyone, the house is for oneself and the activities and tasks to be carried out are decided at the right time. . The loner does not like formal ties or commitments to others.

So how do you harmonize your own personality with the firm desire to find real, genuine and lasting love? Strategies exist. It is nevertheless necessary to clarify a series of dimensions that will allow us to act and find this person who fits our unique universe.

For solitude, as Arthur Schopenhauer pointed out, is the luck of all excellent minds. Finding someone who sees life the same way would probably be the best of luck.

How to find love while being a lonely person?

Very often, we define this type of profile as “lone wolves”. However, wolves live in packs and have a strong social attachment. The solitaries are bears, koalas or the antennae pterois, a fascinating marine animal capable of striking anyone who approaches it with its poisonous fins.

In nature, as we see, non-gregarious animals are very numerous. The only exception is that the lonely person is also integrated into a social world and, in general, has learned to move well between the two spheres.

These are men and women who, even though they live effectively in the midst of groups, have recourse, whenever possible, to their own shelters. Because the solitude that is chosen voluntarily does not hurt : it balances and enriches.

The loner does not exclude having carefully chosen friends. Neither does it close its doors to love. Falling in love is something everyone wants. Something everyone dreams of. So how do I find love if I’m a lonely person? Here are some strategies to consider.

Clarify why you want to find someone: want or need

Want to find someone interesting to love, with whom to share projects, experiences and plans for the future? Or do you need someone to relieve your loneliness? It is necessary to make this distinction well.

Many people define themselves as loners. They are men and women who do not hesitate to say that “this life pleases them and defines them”. However, it is far from being a chosen life: it is rather the one that they must live without necessarily having wanted it.

This explains why they sometimes desperately need a love, a person to save them and relieve their pain and loneliness. It is neither the best path nor the best choice.

At first, the best is probably to love your own loneliness, because this is where you learn to love yourself unconditionally. Only then will we be ready to meet someone special, someone we don’t desperately need.

Determine the type of relationship you want to have

First ask yourself the following question: What type of relationship are you looking for? You may not want an engagement involving cohabitation. Just as you may only want to share time and a relationship with this person on the weekends.

You may also prefer to move forward little by little, without commitments or ties, letting the relationship evolve and making decisions as you go. Either way, you need to be sure what you want and explain to the other person what you are looking for, so that they don’t have false expectations.

In a world where the majority of people feel lonely, you have an advantage

Weird, asocial, unsympathetic … Lonely people receive hundreds of epithets because of their way of being. However, these do not correspond to reality.

In a world where the majority of people feel lonely, loners have an advantage: they do not suffer and enjoy their free time, their chosen existence. This is all an advantage. Therefore, do not consider others to be inhabitants of Mars as you orbit Saturn.

There aren’t that many differences and  a person who feels good about themselves always dazzles others. Because someone who has learned to appreciate their solitude has a whole world to offer, has fewer fears and insecurities, and it pleases.

Take advantage of your composure, your sense of reflection and your open-mindedness . This strength defines you in the face of difficulties, just like the loyalty that lies within you and always impresses other people.

Lonely person and love: look for spaces of connection

In an increasingly globalized world, many people live on their island of solitude. There are a lot more loners than you might think: men and women who see and feel the world the same way you do.

So, our technology- based society gives us some wonderful channels that are worth using. We can search for people with the same affinities on different groups and social media spaces. There are even dating sites where everyone describes their profile and specifies what they are looking for and expecting from the other.

Finding love by being a lonely person is neither a contradiction nor an impossible mission. If this is what we want, we just have to be open to this possibility …

Our thoughts

We invite you here to find out what psychotherapist Russ Harris teaches us and advises us on loving each other as a couple.