You Can’t Please Everyone And Always Say “yes “

How many times have you realized that you are doing something that you don’t want out of fear of what others might think of you?

Collaborating, helping from time to time or rendering a service is a good thing, because it is an initiative that comes from us and we are happy to do it.

If we do not practice “today for you, tomorrow for me” from time to time, social relationships will certainly deteriorate eventually. However, as with everything in life, balance is essential and everything has a limit.

The problem is that sometimes we say “yes” to everything that others ask us, offer us or even sometimes impose on us. And that’s when we lose our “self”, leaving aside our desires and criteria.

Basically, this behavior is explained by the fear of rejection or by the fear that others will not accept us or do not approve of our reactions.

Assertiveness allows us to respect ourselves

To be accepted and not rejected is obviously an enviable and pleasant thing. If during the cave era a group had rejected us, we would certainly have been devoured by wild animals.

Thus, this evolutionary advantage has remained ingrained in our thoughts, and prompts us to act in this way today. To free yourself from this behavior, it is necessary to practice assertiveness.

Assertiveness is the ability to express one’s rights, opinions, desires… in a direct and logical manner, without infringing on the rights of others.

Learning to say “no” is essential to no longer disrespect ourselves.

Of course, sometimes it can be difficult to say “no” to someone who asks us something. But this can only be explained by the absurd idea that “I have to please everyone, all the time”.

However, this is a surreal idea, because it is impossible to always and everyone’s liking. Moreover, it is not even necessary.

If the other person gets angry because you said “no,” the problem is now theirs, not yours, because you’ve just stuck with your opinions. Also, just as you have the right to say “no,” the other person has the right to get angry too, and you have to accept that.

Often times, we put up with certain behaviors from others, or we act against our desires. It is not the worst thing that the other person gets angry… What would be terrible and unbearable would be for you to get angry, and all out of fear.

Be brave

Better to be brave and say what you think or feel, because if you don’t, what will end up happening is your slime will overflow and you will end up being aggressive towards others, and they will then move away from you. By fearing rejection so much, you will unfortunately end up getting it …

In psychology, there are a few assertive techniques, which, if practiced long enough, will eventually become part of our usual behavior and make us feel better about ourselves and others.

One of the techniques used to learn to say “no” is the “broken record” technique. It consists in repeating what we think, without being carried away by the verbal maneuvers of the interlocutor.

If, for example, you don’t want to lend your car to a friend who asked you for this favor, you will need to be persistent and tell them that you are so sorry, that you understand that they need the car, but that you don’t want to lend it to him or anyone else. However, you can suggest other solutions and collaborate on their request.

It is very important to also adopt consistent non-verbal behavior, being sure of yourself, direct, clear and looking the other in the eye, because there is no reason to be afraid. Rejection from someone will not kill you.

The other person will try to give you arguments by explaining to you why they need it so much and they will try to convince you that they will take care of it, etc. However, you must not give in if your wish is not to lend to him. In the end, repeating the same idea over and over again will tire the other person and stop insisting.

Maybe you, the readers, are saying to yourself: this is not super selfish? The answer is no. We must not confuse things: helping and collaborating yes, but losing personal freedom, no.

We were taught from an early age that we had to please others almost at all costs, and that we had to say “yes”, even if deep down we wanted to say “no”, for fear of the -will we say …

In this sense, it must be understood that what others think is only thoughts, it is not a reality. And as we have said before, everyone is free to think whatever they want, and we cannot control that… So knowing how to say “no” is the price of freedom.